Well this post is coming much later than I thought it would. Some snags came up in summer intensive planning this year, so I’ve only just recently solidified what I’ll be doing.
As I previously wrote I auditioned for three places; Pittsburgh Ballet Theater, Oregon Ballet Theater, and Washington Ballet School. I sent a video to Oregon and Washington and got responses pretty quickly. I got into Washington’s two week program, which was fine by me because it wasn’t likely I’d have been able to go there anyways. I also got into Oregon’s program, which I was very enthusiastic about.
The first audition result I had gotten though was being wait-listed for Pittsburgh. It was rough. Pittsburgh was my number one choice and the other two places I had gotten into weren’t very feasible for me to do. All of the sudden I was very nervous about what was going to happen this summer. It was nearing the end of January and I was searching like crazy for somewhere else to audition that was not only affordable, but also near by. My parents don’t feel comfortable sending me very far, so it is difficult to find the right program.
February was pretty horrible. I was so stressed all the time and I began to lose confidence in my dancing and myself. A couple weeks after being wait-listed I also got some disappointing casting. I found myself in a dangerous place where I was extremely unhappy with myself. I began thinking all of the things that were stressing me out were all my fault. I got caught up in my head and felt disappointed in myself for not being good enough.
After about a month of feeling that way, I had lunch with my friend Siobhan and finally talked to someone about what was going on internally. I had let myself get way too caught up in what was happening with ballet. I’m not proud of how I felt that month, but I’m sharing so hopefully someone going through the same struggles will read this and realize it will be okay. At the beginning of March with Siobhan being the best support I could ask for I began to regain confidence.
I emailed Pittsburgh to let them know I was still interested, but also began planning what I would do that summer if I stayed home. I had come to terms with the fact that I might not be going somewhere and while it was a set back it was also perfectly acceptable. I was beginning to enjoy class again and not get caught up in things, I let myself just dance. Then to my great joy I got into Pittsburgh! I can officially say I will being going there this summer and I’m beyond excited. While I did write this post to share I’m going to Pittsburgh I also want to get a few other messages across.
Primarily ballet will bring you down as much as it brings you up. February was the hardest time I’ve had as a dancer in a long time. I beat myself up nonstop and began to think about things unhealthily. I’m lucky that I got out of the slump pretty quickly, but for anyone who feels this way, talk to someone. I kept my troubles to myself and they only festered, talk to someone if you’re struggling about ballet. It can be body image, summer intensive woes, casting struggles, or anything else, but talk to someone.
Secondly for anyone wait-listed, be proud. A wait-list is something to feel good about even if it isn’t as nice as an initial acceptance. If you don’t get offered something it is still nice to be considered. For those who do get an offer from a wait-list, you deserve it. I’m sorry this post took awhile to write, but I wanted to be able to write what my plans were for sure before I updated on summer intensive. I hope everyone got something out of this post. Until next time.